2 yellow and black butterflies

What's the title of this entry? I already have the title of my book. What's the title of
MY story. I'll figure it out as I go, I suppose. I always do.
right this very minute, I'm sweating. I am dog sitting, so I'm not at home (where I usually keep it this hot) I didn't realize other people don't use A/C in 100 degree heat. I'm excited, though, because tomorrow I will float around in the puppy's owner's pool. in my undies. or not. bathing suits are stupid anyway. ( I say that because I don't feel like Miss America squished in spandex, sucking it in, trying not to get tan lines) and I am fried. exhausted. spent. whooped. plain ole give out. not complaining, but really not inspiring, I know. As you know, I quit my job. Just because I can. and because it didn't light me up in the morning. I have been an inspiration to some, and to others just the same old crazy me. I didn't do it for them, anyway. I did it for me. I did it because I could never make it to work on time. Because when it was time to go back to work after vacation, I felt sick to my soul. year after year of sick to your soul takes a toll...(hey! I'm gonna make that my facebook status!!!) I doubt I'm done being freaked out about no income that I know of right this minute. AND I still have to clean out my desk, etc. I actually don't have to. The woman who is taking my room, said she'd be happy to do it. I may just let her. It's hard for me to throw things away. I am a hoarder. apparently not like on that show (I don't have cable so I don't know what it's called) but it does not feel good to throw things away. I do work at it though.
and I practice throwing things away. like bills and harbor freight circulars (but I do look at all the tools I want, before the tossaroo)
I am happy to be back blogging again. and I'm really glad I didn't delete my old entries. I wonder if anyone actually reads this stuff. I'm gonna buy a laptop this weekend, I think...not really a laptop, but a notebook laptop thingy. I'll need it while I'm traveling the world writing my book. (of which, I already have a title and some topics!)
Alright, I have had enough of this heat. I'm off to find the A/C control.
OH! Guess what? Yesterday there were 2 butterflies and a bee flying around the Chaste tree in my front yard! (now for the deja vu) not sure how to get my pics from phone to email...yes yes read the book they say...daisy is not at home. I'll make that a priority this weekend, because I really want you to see what I saw...
love you
truly
madly
deeply

Treats from a Stranger

Have you ever gotten something from a stranger? LOL that sounds funny.
I don't mean like a one night stand, where you came away with more than you bargained for. Or a dent in your car door, that was most certainly not there when you left it just to run into Target. I mean, have you ever gotten flowers and chocolates with a note that says
Because you're Beautiful, sent to you at work, from someone you may or may not know?
I am assuming they're from someone I know, because most strangers do not know my name or the address of where I work (although that would be really easy to find out)
I don't think I'm going to really ask around, either. I love not knowing. Well, I love it today--
yesterday I was playing Sherlock Holmes, making it my life's mission to find out. Now...not so much.
I will tell you this, though: The next time you have the opportunity to do a random act of chivalrous kindness, DO IT! and there are tons of opportunity for these said acts, and you know it. Make someone's day. You don't need to see her face. You don't need to know how special it made her feel. You do not need a thank you. I am giving all of those things to you now. She took a picture and posted it on Facebook. She feels seen. She feels special. It warms her from the inside out.
And she ABSOLUTELY loves it-and you.

Well, well, well...

Have you ever met someone who up and quit their job? Just because she could no longer
stand the feeling of getting up and going to a place with no windows, doing something she
didn't love; just to pay bills?
Blog world, meet Daisy Duke...former police officer, turned school teacher/tree hugger/pacifist/peacenik--soon to be temporarily unemployed/about to travel to India, Ecuador, Peru, Bolivia and Nicaragua/woman whose shoes you wanna be in!
I was scared before I turned in my letter. My boss was surprised and envious, he said. He also said,
"you're livin' the dream"...yes, I suppose I am. It's easier to get up in the morning, and I mapped out
where I want to go---the Galapagos! Can you believe it?! Really, I have a life that people dream about
(sans the job they can't stand...but in order to quit with satisfaction, the story would be no good
if I quit a job I love) Now I am SO not scared.
There is so much to catch up on. I haven't written in 2 years? WTF? so much has happened since then.
I have transformed so many times. you wouldn't even believe the gallons of tears I've cried.
and I've loved a man. an amazing kind, generous soul, who taught me more about me, and love, than I'd learned in all the years prior.
When they say the dark night of the soul, they mean the dark night of the soul.
Honduras a couple more times, then last summer India. India again this summer, and then onto South America. oh geeze, I met my biological father--42 years later AND I have a sister! keeping the sister, for sure--still undecided about jimmy k the bio f.
My mom meditated for the first time, and I halleucinated for the first time.
I miss the jungle, and my passport is calling me from my underwear drawer (which is where it lives when not traveling) I"m about to buy the plane ticket of my life (so far)!
the rocks, the crystals, the reiki, the visions, the tears, the hairdo, the lawn, birds, totems, hawks, turkey buzzards and a snake in the garden this afternoon...and omg facebook! my 2 kindergarten best friends. oh, and my sweet Hawk, who I always thought I'd see again. babies, marriages and divorces...
so much action, change and movement.
it feels good to stretch my writing muscle...I do declare I'll give this another whirl.
love to love ya, baby~

pogo stick

I don't really even feel like writing, but I feel like doing laundry even less.

Yesterday was a Memorial Day pool party, and the pictures are online today, and

in the name of Vishnu, what was I thinking? It was one of those things where I thought

I could get away with wearing something that I have no business being seen donning in

public. I cannot figure out what the freaking deal is with my metabolism. The last time

I got on the scale, it said 217. yep.217. well, I cured that. now I don't go near the bloody

thing. I'm having a difficult time with it though. that's an actual understatement. I'm

freaking the fuck out. inside, of course. just show up and pretend it doesn't matter how

fat you are. I know. children are soldiers, people are starving, the polar icecaps are melting

and all I can do is cry(I'm not really crying) about how disgusted I am. I haven't been very good at coaching

myself lately. I gave up on yoga just because I can't seem to make the time, and I need

the money for the classes to pay bills. I did, however, go to this incredible place called

wizard wells, on a retreat about 2 months ago. We ate vegetarian for the weekend, and

I just kept it up. So, really, with only a couple flub ups, I have been eating no meat for the

better part of 2 months. It hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be.

I'm in the market for an incredible healer. I know I have some (unknown)unresolved issues

past life regression, perhaps? whatever is there, I want to address, and release. maybe I need to just stay in honduras when I go this year.

I actually think there is someplace in south america or india, perhaps, that Im more suited for.

I used to know what I wanted, now, not so much. I'd like to work to train kids in leadership

and speak to the masses training them in powerful peaceful speech and I'd like to have

a huge vegetable garden and wildflowers in my yard that attract all sorts of hummingbirds

and butterflies. I'd like to live by water but in the middle of a forest. I'd like to go back

to girlscout camp and sing all the songs around the campfire, again. I'd like to climb

kilimanjaro and visit a polar icecap while they're still available. I"d like to give away a million

dollars and drive a corvette (hybrid, of course) I want to make out in the surf like in

from here to eternity. i'd like to talk sense into george w and I'd like to see those films that

morgan freeman hid at the end of shawshank redemption. i'd like to meet Bono, Jimmy Carter,

and the Dalai Lama (and really Angelina Jolie, but she is rather busy being pregnant with Brad Pitt's babies). I"d like to have an audience with the Pope (I just like to say those words

combined together) I'd like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony ( I just threw that

in there to see if you were paying attention) I'd like to be the belle of the ball in an awesome

slinky dress (covering my awesome slinky body) I"d really like to figure out how to get right

in my own skin and I'd like a vanilla cone with crunchy chocolate topping-just like my daddy

used to get me at this place called Nagle's Top Dog. Oh yeah, and I really want to go to

the grand canyon AND to yellowstone. I"d like to participate in the UN for a year while i'm living

in a studio apartment in NYC.I don't care about singing at Carnegie Hall or even getting

married, but I do want to try on Vera Wang wedding dresses while drinking champagne in

the afternoon (they used to give you Coors lights at Western Warehouse while you tried to

squeeze your ass into the tightest jeans that would mke your ass look good...not really the

same, though) I want to spend as much time as life allows in a remote area with a curandero

and I want to run barefoot through the jungle. I left out the pyramids and the red sea, but

I want to experience them too. what I do not want, is to ever see the pictures of me from

yesterday again. ever. the picture at the begining of the writing seems like it doesn't belong, but I like it, so it's here now

peace

old brother new life

My baby brother has 7 vargas girl pinup tatoos, one tatoo that says MOM, and he burps and farts all the time. He also converted to an ism. I was going to say which one, but it doesn't really matter. It's a conservative organized religion. He tells his wife what to do by suggesting his desired outcome, they discuss it, she always agrees, and even when she doesn't they do what he says. When they got married, she was a sucessful, never married, smart, homeowning, career having, independent woman. Now she is virtually helpless. He won't let her wipe her nose alone. She is very devoted to the ism, and has taken her role as "wife" seriously. He was never going to convert. she adores his burping and farting self. then they had a baby, and he decided to take the plunge...(literally..he got baptised) my mom became apoplectic, and i supported his happiness. he fits in finally. but I miss my misfit brother. (I use that term loosely because is a funny intelligent dude)
yesterday my sister in law and I went to get an ice pellet soda, and were gone for 2 hours. it was a cloudless sunny day. no snow or ice. we were having fun and forgot to call. my brother loaded my 2 month and 2 year old nephews up in the minivan (he used to own 2 '57 cadillacs)and went looking for us. he called the hospitals. when I finally heard the phone ring he started yelling at me...we were pulling up inthe driveway...he cornered her in the garage, made her cry and told her she can never do that again--he just loves her too much. (reminscent of a jealous, controlling abusive psycho husband...it REALLY creeped me out) I am here visiting...they live 1600 miles away. we were visiting. babies were napping. daddy was on the computer.
OK we didn't call. we didn't mean to upset anyone. but we are 40 year old women who like to chat and we were driving aroundlooking for a t-shirt that I really wanted. hours later she was crying about it. he told her how he callled the hospitals. why? it's not like she didn't feel bad enough already...the only reason to do that would be to make her feel worse.
and someone told her you cannot take babies out of the house for the first 2 months of their lives.
he got pissed the night before when some guy came too the door peddling magazines. my brother thinks all those people are scammers...and declined. the guy called him a loser, and wished god's blessing upon him and walked away. my brother was furious. I said maybe the guy thinks you are a loser but really does want you to be blessed...that set him off. "at my front door?!!!!" "you mean you wouldn 't have a problem if someone called you a loser at your front door?!!!" I paused, and really considered the question..."I honestly don't think I"d care" for some reason that infuriated him.
we had a conversation about his angels. I told him thqat I'm bummed that he has made arrangements in the case of untimely deaths of he and his wife, that the boys go to her brother and sisterinlaw. He said I don't live a lifestyle to take care of kids. Im travelling all the time, etc. "I don't have children," I replied. well, it's not l ike I don't trust you, he said.....of course I know what that means. It's like when you refer to someone by saying, "oh, there goes daisy, bless her heart" you know they think you're a disabled loser. that's exactly wht my brother left me with.
his ism doesn't allow for everyone to be together in death...only if you do the right things here...at the specific organized religion gathering place.
The energy in my skin is uncomfortable. the next time I visit, UI'm going to rent a car and stay in a hotel.
Oh, I forgot to tell y ou that my brother won't let my 47 year old boyfriend and I sleep; ;in the same room in his house, because we are bnot married. I am 40 years old, we live togethger, and may very well never be married....AND he slept in the same bed with his wife before they married.
Please don't think I am making him wrong. that isn't what I meant. Im venting, and I dn't understand him. She has lived the ism her whole life and doesnt' act like this.
his life is not about me, and the 2 year old loves to play with auntie daisy.
there is spiritual unrest in this house...not just mine.
I'm glad I'm going home today.
I love my brother and his family.
I love my brother and his new life makes me feel like I wanna puke.
I love my brother and am happy that he finally feelslike he belongs.
I love my brother.

free verse

I'm looking for some comfort, it seems to have escaped from within.
I looked, it's gone.
I'll create some more, for now I'd just like to borrow some.
Encased in a warm hold, burrowing my face deep just because I can; because it
feels safe and yummy. And a vision. I see the jungle again.
I don't need protection or even a place to hide...just some emotional
rental property. By the hour is fine. I'll take 6, please.
My Abu spoke 11 languages and called me his dvoirala...he plucked the
guitar and sang aye yay yay yays like no other man could. Big red nose
gallons of silvovitz (damn, have you ever had that stuff???)
oh red roses
quartz
green
bark
vines
cumulus clouds at the mountain top
cayuko
gallo pinto
shiny
bread
red car
mailbox
oleander
sixth grade best friend
sleep
dancing with the stars